just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
