is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
only if we run a train.
done.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
