Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
