i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
