I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
