I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
