you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
