im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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