You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
