I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
