never play flip cup with pint glasses
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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