quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize