So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
