I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
whose parrot is this?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you remember whose house we're in?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
