Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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