didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
