Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I deserve this hangover.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
