this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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