why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
