The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
