He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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