I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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