I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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