How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
