i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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