At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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