Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
