just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
