im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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