I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
