He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Houston, we have a blender
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
