I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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