finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
