tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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