So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
