Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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