my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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