If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
