I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
