It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
