If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
