I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
