Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
