Nicole vs. Life
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
