69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
