Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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