All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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