and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
