Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
