'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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