Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
