If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
