just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
