he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
