So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
