I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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