And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
