Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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