I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
