I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
