The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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