Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
