A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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