had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
