He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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