I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize