I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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