I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
