bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
