Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
