My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
