yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
