if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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