Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
