did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
