either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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