You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
