Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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