guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
