Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
