rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
