Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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