just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
