Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
