He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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