That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
MIDGETS
????
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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