Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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