We need to rekindle our bromance
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize