That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
