i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
