Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
