I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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