so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
