he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize