just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
