if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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