Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
