dude i'm inner monologue high
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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