Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
