This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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