Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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