think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wear drunk well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
