Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
